


Unbreak My Heart

by teej_318



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, But there's a surprise coming, Eddie Kaspbrak Lives, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, M/M, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Richie thinks he's lost Eddie and his life is stuck, Song fic, Songfic, Stanley Uris Lives, Temporary Character Death, The Turtle CAN Help Us (IT), Toni Braxton, Unbreak My Heart, character resurrection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:00:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25226476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teej_318/pseuds/teej_318
Summary: After the events in the sewers, where he was forced to leave Eddie behind, Richie feels like his life is permanently stuck. He can't move on and he's too busy dwelling in the bad parts of his past. This is a collection of his thoughts linked to the song Unbreak my Heart by Toni Braxton.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak & Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Kudos: 9





	Unbreak My Heart

_ Don’t leave me in all this pain, don’t leave me out in the rain _

Eddie. You’re gone. I can’t believe it. We were all supposed to come out of there and be okay.

But you’re still there. I should be there with you. I don’t want to be here without you.

_ Come back and bring back my smile, come and take this tears away _

I don’t think I’ve smiled since we left you behind, Eddie. I can’t pretend to be happy and I can’t pretend that I’m okay. 

Anytime I leave the house, it’s too much for me. I start crying because I see you everywhere. You’re everywhere and you’re everyone, Eddie. There’s little pieces of you all around me. But those pieces aren’t you, Eddie. They aren’t you.

_ I need your arms to hold me now, the nights are so unkind _

I can’t sleep knowing that you’re not here, Eds. Every night I try to sleep and all I can see is you, bleeding and in pain. I try to save you, but I can’t. And it kills me every time that I fail.

The nightmares don’t stop, no matter what I do to drown them out. Sleeping pills, booze, pot. None of it works.

_ Bring back those nights when I held you beside me _

I didn’t know it until we found each other again, Eds, but those nights where it was just us in the clubhouse were my favorite nights. With you cuddled up next to me, I felt more safe than I ever thought possible. I want those nights back, Eds. 

I want  _ you _ back.

_ Take back that sad word goodbye _

We didn’t even get a proper goodbye, Eddie. The Losers made me leave your body behind as Neibolt started to collapse all around us. I tried to fight them, but they held me back, even as I screamed for you.

Even if I had just gotten to say goodbye to you, properly, maybe that would have been enough.

Hell, who am I kidding? It would have broken me just as much. Maybe even more. 

_ Bring back the joy to my life _

You’ve always been the light of my life, Eds. You and the others were the only bright parts of my life and the only people who could bring me joy and happiness. 

But you, Eddie, you were the brightest part of my life. You were so full of joy and energy and love and bravery that you brought joy to my life.

And now that you’re gone, the joy from my life is gone. The others try to inspire joy in me, but it doesn’t work. I love them all, I do, but they can’t replace you, Eds. Nobody can. 

The joy is gone.

_ Don’t leave me here with these tears, come and kiss this pain away _

I don’t know if you loved me, Eddie. I mean, I know you loved me as a friend, but I don’t know if you loved me in the same way that I loved you. 

If by some chance you did love me the same way, I wish you could come and kiss the pain away. You would make all the pain go away and I would be able to live again.

But instead, I exist alone with nothing but my tears for company. And I hate it, Eds. I hate it. 

I know I shouldn’t torture myself like this, but maybe I can’t help it. God knows I certainly deserve all the pain for being too cowardly to tell you the truth and for not living my true authentic self. 

_ I can’t forget the day you left. Time is so unkind. _

No matter how much time passes, Eddie, I still think about the day you left.

I refuse to call it the day you died. I know it sounds stupid, but that makes it more real and more painful for me, so I just call it the day you left. 

But I think about that day all the time. Almost once an hour at this point. I can’t get the images out of my head. We were supposed to defeat that piece of shit demon clown and move on with our lives. And it seems like everyone else has moved on. Everyone else seems to be doing okay, or at least coping.

But not me. I just keep reliving your final moments and wish it was me that could have been taken. Anything to keep you safe, Eddie. 

_ And life is so cruel without you here beside me. _

My life is empty without you, Eddie. I don’t know how I lived so many years without you. 

I hate that I forgot you, but remembered the feelings you made me feel. It was cruel of life to only let me remember a part of you, Eddie. Even if it was the best part.

And it’s cruel that I can only remember all of you, Eddie. I don’t get to experience you and have you by my side, Richie and Eddie against the world. 

  
  
  


_ Unbreak my heart, Say you love me again. _

Whether you loved me the way I loved you or not, Eddie, just to hear you say, “I love you” at the end of a phone call, like we all do in the Losers Club now, that would be enough. It would rid me of this empty feeling that I feel without you.

Even if I could only hear it one more time, that would be enough. I wouldn’t ever ask for anything else, Eds.

  
  


_ Undo this hurt you caused when you walked out the door and walked out of my life _

I wish you could come back and steal away all the pain I felt since the day you walked out of my life, Eddie. If I saw you again, everything would be all right again and I would stop hurting.

I don’t fear death, not like I used to. I fear living too long without you and living without remembering you. That scares me most of all.

I don’t give a shit what others think about me and I’m not scared of being myself. But I’m scared of forgetting you, Eddie.

_ Uncry these tears. I cried so many, many nights _

There’s not a night that goes by that I don’t end up crying. I usually cry myself to sleep and I wake up with tears in my eyes again.

  
  


_ Unbreak my heart, oh baby. Come back and say you love me. _

_ Unbreak my heart, sweet darling. Without you I just can’t go on! _

I need you back, Eddie. I would trade anything in the world if it meant I could see you again. I need to be able to tell you the truth, Eddie. 

And the truth is, I love you. I love you with all of my heart. I’m not afraid to love anymore. Nothing would make me feel safer than for you to love me.

But without you here, Eddie, it’s like my life is frozen in time. And it won’t advance and it can’t go backward. I’m simply going through the motions. I know it’s not healthy but I can’t help myself.

_ Can’t go on. _

Holy shit. 

I don’t know how, Eddie, but somehow you’re alive. It must be that turtle magic shit, or something. 

But you’re here now. You’re here. And you told me that you love me. I told you the same. It was like fate.

And holy fuck, Eddie. I just can’t believe you’re here with me and it’s all real! I feel like I can finally put the past behind me and get on my life, with you by my side. And with the rest of the Losers (seriously, how is Stan also alive?!) there to help, I think we’ll all be okay now, Eddie.

I love you, Eddie Spaghetti, my Eds. Eddie Kaspbrak. I love you. 

**Author's Note:**

> LOL, y'all really thought I would let Eddie and Stan be dead. Nah, fuck that nonsense!
> 
> BUT. I did want to have a super angsty fic to the tune of this song. I've been listening it to again recently and I thought it would be a perfect song to sum up Richie's feelings about losing Eddie. Give the song a listen [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2Rch6WvPJE)
> 
> Come yell at me on Tumblr: [@wackywriterwhowriteswhenever](http://wackywriterwhowriteswhenever.tumblr.com)


End file.
